Finding the Truth - Short Story

Today, my best friend’s Daughter asked me about the tooth fairy and I quickly learned that I am not prepared for these spur of the moment questions. I was puzzled and told her tonight that I would have a full bedtime story for her.

My Tooth Fairy Truth!

Everyone knows about Santa Claus and how he lives at the North Pole with his elves and Mrs. Claus to make toys for all the little girls and boys. And of course how can we forget the Easter Bunny, living in the forest with his bunny friends, coloring eggs and weaving baskets.

But what does any of us really know about this Tooth Fairy? The Tooth Fairy is said to be a common childhood myth which is usually defined like this: When a tooth falls out leave it under you pillow before you fall sleep, sometime during the night the Tooth Fairy will visit you room to take the tooth and leave a small amount of hard cash.

Going on this speculative evidence, this appears to be a good hypothesis. As a child, when my teeth fell out I would tell my parents and they would remind me to put my tooth under my pillow. In the morning the Tooth Fairy had indeed been there and I was one dollar better off. So, what can we assume about the Tooth Fairy from her known characteristics?

She is not affiliated with any known religion in the way that Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny have volunteered to associate themselves with Christianity. Therefore, we can assume no restriction applies to visiting only Christian children giving her greater range than good ol Santa. She does not need to visit all children in one morning or night as Santa and the Easter Bunny contract states. She may eventually visit all children, but it takes place at irregular, infrequent intervals. It is possible to predict the number of visits by the average number of teeth per child.

The amount of money left per tooth varies according to the child’s age. This is reasonable, as younger children are less interested in money than older children. The amount left per tooth also varies according to the level of income of the parents. This suggests that she either unfairly favors wealthy families or she does not wish to encourage poverty stricken parents to use their children’s teeth as an alternate tax-free source of income.

So, who is this Tooth Fairy? Where did she come from? Is there just one? After contemplated these thoughts I needed answers!

There are indeed over 10,000 registered Tooth Fairies in the world. Some are thought to be operating without any kind of certificate. But the original Tooth Fairy was not always a Fairy. In face, she spent the first 300 years of her career not giving gifts to kids at all. She made a career out of breaking into people’s homes and stealing teeth they already had in their mouth and making jewelry from them that she sold at local art fairs. She named her booth Teethy Attire and introduced herself to buyers as Wendy.
But one night, this Wendy had a dream in which she saw that people—kids especially had a “thing” about losing body parts and the guilt set in. This entire time she has been stealing teeth when all along she could have collected the unwanted baby teeth for free. At that very moment she changed her ways and swore to never steal a tooth again. For the remaining 700 years of her life she spent every night out collecting the lost teeth of all the children of the area she lived in and placing dimes under their pillows.

It was a rough business! She had to fight off competitors, dogs and Dads with baseball bats. Sometimes kids would try to trick her by clenching the tooth firmly in their fists – prying the fingers apart to get the tooth was always a challenge until the Tooth Fairy invented the knuckle breaker.

Twenty seven hundred years ago the original Tooth Fairy, Wendy went to live with the angels in Canada. But not before she created a handbook, a continuing education program and guidelines of professional ethics for all the tooth fairies to come.

Few people realize that in the United States of America, tooth fairies are appointed by state legislatures – one per congressional district. Trying to keep the secret safe, legislatures are always on the look out for sinister people that are eager to use their creativity to break into the fairy network registration volt.

Tooth Fairies are required to attend over 200 hours of basic training at the ITFA (International Tooth Fairy Academy). These enthusiastic fairies are put through vigorous drills that will prepare them to complete each mission in today’s modern world. The first skill set that is taught at ITFA is the finding the best entryway into today’s homes, which is typically the key hole. Each graduate is given magical dust that they sprinkle on themselves to enter and exit the homes. This dust reduces their size as needed and only last two seconds giving them just enough time to proceed on with their mission. Making their way to the child’s room, sneaking in, making the dime droop and getting the heck out of there without waking up Mom is the heart and soul of the Tooth Fairy operation.

Of course you are probably wondering what happens to these teeth? During my interview with Michigan State Representative Coleman Young he informed me that each tooth is labeled, bar-cored and then shipped to the tooth fairy laboratory in NYC. There are teams of skilled scientist that examine each tooth, calibrate its size, condition and analyze if the owner has been flossing. Brushing your teeth and flossing is one topic the Tooth Fairies do not joke around about. This is an important part of their mission. If you haven’t been flossing and brushing regularly the children get a computer printout mailed to their parents and could be put on tooth probation. Mr. Young also informed me that once the teeth are photographed and recorded they are displayed at the Museum of Teeth in Ann Arbor MI. There, visitors can stroll through the exhibits of teeth through the ages, noting the largest tooth, the sharpest, the yellowiest, the strange and the unusual.

That is the truth of the Tooth Fairy, who she was, how she came to be and how she created an institution which operates now in over 128 countries and appears under the Quotron symbol TFRY on the New York Stock Exchange. It is the truth of one individual with a bit of grit, elbow grease and a sock full of dimes that stood up to change her ways and make a difference. So the next time you are faced with the same Tooth Fairy question as I have been from a child, be sure to set to the story straight. Its not Mom and Dad! And if told any otherwise you may both be getting a little visit from the legal counsel ~ infringement of trademark and libel are serious charges.