When I open my eyes in the morning I want to start off my day by telling myself everything happens for a reason! Or is that just some cliché we say to others in a time of comfort; that yes things normally work themselves out its not the end of the world.
I met an “older” man (mid 40’s…ha its funny how that does not seem old to me anymore) in walmart yesterday. As I was standing there trying to decide on what cereal I wanted, which is a very hard decision for me…I LOVE cereal. I could not help notice this man checking out all the boxes as well. We met eyes, I smiled and he began to talk! He mentioned how expensive things are getting for him after losing his job. He claimed to miss this summer so he could take full advantage of his garden. After taking a glance in his cart I noticed it was quit bare and his list still full. This broke my heart.
So maybe what I should tell myself in the morning is…everyone deals with hardship one way or the other and it could be worse.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
This is one of my favorite poems by Jewel Kilcher
So Just Kiss me
So just kiss me and let my hair messy itself in your fingers tell me nothing needs to be done-no clocks need winding. There is no bell without a voice needing to borrow my own instead, let me steady myself in the arms of a man who won't ask me to be what he needs, but lets me exist as i am a blonde flame a hurricane wrapped up in a tiny body that wil come to his arms like the safest harbor for mending.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Guide
I carry the comfort of this dark night, searching further for your light through this darkest of nights. In with passion out with hate with each breath I take.
Distance holds no ground when you do not know what can be found.
As the moon and stars make up my night, I am memorized by a faint light.
Finding my way further from the night I reach for your light.
Blissful with this ounce of light, yet I am still within the night.
With a cry that this light will wash away my dreams of the darker times I rush further and further towards your light.
Light will not always show what’s true, it can lead you blind.
Though I will still look to your light that carries me away from this dark night.
Distance holds no ground when you do not know what can be found.
As the moon and stars make up my night, I am memorized by a faint light.
Finding my way further from the night I reach for your light.
Blissful with this ounce of light, yet I am still within the night.
With a cry that this light will wash away my dreams of the darker times I rush further and further towards your light.
Light will not always show what’s true, it can lead you blind.
Though I will still look to your light that carries me away from this dark night.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Words are Pieces of your Heart
Fallen to vague depths between a labyrinth of printed words.
A collector of empty parchment yet soon to be filled with dark meaning and black lines. Each letter holds no end as I become lost in their standing maze.
With silent hope for the next to be its final pause, my printed thoughts only to cascade.
Walking through a valley of thoughts.
Dancing images are frozen in time…these painted dreams of mine. Dreams that are only meant to be dreamt by the lost of the lost. Follow the path of this ink spelled line captured on this parchment of mine. Its spelled has be cast in its fallen time.
A collector of empty parchment yet soon to be filled with dark meaning and black lines. Each letter holds no end as I become lost in their standing maze.
With silent hope for the next to be its final pause, my printed thoughts only to cascade.
Walking through a valley of thoughts.
Dancing images are frozen in time…these painted dreams of mine. Dreams that are only meant to be dreamt by the lost of the lost. Follow the path of this ink spelled line captured on this parchment of mine. Its spelled has be cast in its fallen time.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Blanket of Stars ~ Poem
In my dreams tonight you will be here with me.
Your arms around me tight….
The stars are on my side, I will be holding a star tonight!
With fear of waking. Time had stopped as the moon called to us not as seperate but as one
Underneath that blanket of stars, our lives scattered in the darkness of the night
Pulling each light together as our souls unite.
The stars running through our veins the moon guides us into the night. You are there in my dreams, in my dreams tonight.
I will hold on to the night. And for that star, just that one star I will hold onto it tight.
For when I wake, he will still shine bright.
Your arms around me tight….
The stars are on my side, I will be holding a star tonight!
With fear of waking. Time had stopped as the moon called to us not as seperate but as one
Underneath that blanket of stars, our lives scattered in the darkness of the night
Pulling each light together as our souls unite.
The stars running through our veins the moon guides us into the night. You are there in my dreams, in my dreams tonight.
I will hold on to the night. And for that star, just that one star I will hold onto it tight.
For when I wake, he will still shine bright.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Temptation ~ Poem
There's an apple outside my door, just beyond my reach.
But that apple shall not be my feast.
Is it there to tempt me with its beauty, to memorize me, to put me in a daze? Or is she there to test all of my strengths?
That apple just outside my door, just beyond my reach…
Pretty as it seems, the love spell it has on me…to touch that apple, to have its taste.
Shall I touch its skin? That shall not be the sin. The skin is not the forbidden core! I shall touch only this apples skin!
For why is there an apple outside my door? That apple is only just beyond my reach.
Test me if you must. I will not be swayed by lust.
But just to touch that apple. I must I must.
Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
But that apple shall not be my feast.
Is it there to tempt me with its beauty, to memorize me, to put me in a daze? Or is she there to test all of my strengths?
That apple just outside my door, just beyond my reach…
Pretty as it seems, the love spell it has on me…to touch that apple, to have its taste.
Shall I touch its skin? That shall not be the sin. The skin is not the forbidden core! I shall touch only this apples skin!
For why is there an apple outside my door? That apple is only just beyond my reach.
Test me if you must. I will not be swayed by lust.
But just to touch that apple. I must I must.
Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.
I've learned that it's not what happens to people, It's what they do about it.
I've learned that no matter how thin you slide it, there are always two sides.
I've learned that you should always have loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you'll see them.
I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done. When it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that no matter how good a friend is,they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.
I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves go farther in life.
I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hoursby people who don't even know you.
I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I've learned that writing,as well as talking,can ease emotional pains.
I've learned that the people you care most about in lifeare taken from you too soon.
I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being niceand not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.
I've learned to love and be loved matters.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.
I've learned that it's not what happens to people, It's what they do about it.
I've learned that no matter how thin you slide it, there are always two sides.
I've learned that you should always have loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you'll see them.
I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done. When it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that no matter how good a friend is,they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.
I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves go farther in life.
I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hoursby people who don't even know you.
I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I've learned that writing,as well as talking,can ease emotional pains.
I've learned that the people you care most about in lifeare taken from you too soon.
I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being niceand not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.
I've learned to love and be loved matters.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Losing Private Ryan
Although not a Private at all, Ryan Koehler is a lost soul pondering through life with no clue how a man should stride. Existing only in the shadow of men that have achieved the right to walk strong and Ryan’s betrayal has not been taken lightly.
After facing many emotions leading up yesterday I am left with not pain, anger or sorrow. What I have lingering inside of me is pity. Dear Jake, your words to this man or shall I title him such as you have…this Shell of a man is something “Ryan” will have to live with. But I also need to say my peace and shed forgiveness on this coward, since I have been the one emotionally affected by this.
Ryan first I would like to start off by saying I am sorry. I am sorry you have no true self-worth and walked in only the shadows of a great person. It amazes me how much time you have invested in this charade. Every exact detail that was communicated to me was depicted from a REAL Man’s life NOT yours. Telling stories and life experiences of this individual that you will never earn an ounce of the respect this man~Jake is given. Showing no creativity of your own and holding no real passion for your own life only the life of Jake Wood. With that being said, I also need to thank you “ryan” (no capitalization is necessary when addressing someone of your stature). Even though you had your own sinister intentions what ever they may be, I have to thank you for showing me that there are guys out there that are worth my time. Its good to finally understand that all great men will not always be printed words/fictional. WOW So I really might have a chance at meeting the Edward Cullen’s of the world (minus the blood stuff) as I would often say......well I guess it would be Jake to whom I owe that compliment to now! But "ryan" take my advice: Don’t pretend to be Edward next to hit on girls, biting them might get you in trouble more than impersonating a Marine…but then again maybe not! I would watch it if I were you and stay away from USMC 29 Palms, CA.
Peace out boy scout! Aw…scratch that, I hold more respect for a boy scout than I do you!
After facing many emotions leading up yesterday I am left with not pain, anger or sorrow. What I have lingering inside of me is pity. Dear Jake, your words to this man or shall I title him such as you have…this Shell of a man is something “Ryan” will have to live with. But I also need to say my peace and shed forgiveness on this coward, since I have been the one emotionally affected by this.
Ryan first I would like to start off by saying I am sorry. I am sorry you have no true self-worth and walked in only the shadows of a great person. It amazes me how much time you have invested in this charade. Every exact detail that was communicated to me was depicted from a REAL Man’s life NOT yours. Telling stories and life experiences of this individual that you will never earn an ounce of the respect this man~Jake is given. Showing no creativity of your own and holding no real passion for your own life only the life of Jake Wood. With that being said, I also need to thank you “ryan” (no capitalization is necessary when addressing someone of your stature). Even though you had your own sinister intentions what ever they may be, I have to thank you for showing me that there are guys out there that are worth my time. Its good to finally understand that all great men will not always be printed words/fictional. WOW So I really might have a chance at meeting the Edward Cullen’s of the world (minus the blood stuff) as I would often say......well I guess it would be Jake to whom I owe that compliment to now! But "ryan" take my advice: Don’t pretend to be Edward next to hit on girls, biting them might get you in trouble more than impersonating a Marine…but then again maybe not! I would watch it if I were you and stay away from USMC 29 Palms, CA.
Peace out boy scout! Aw…scratch that, I hold more respect for a boy scout than I do you!
Friday, February 13, 2009
Finding the Truth - Short Story
Today, my best friend’s Daughter asked me about the tooth fairy and I quickly learned that I am not prepared for these spur of the moment questions. I was puzzled and told her tonight that I would have a full bedtime story for her.
My Tooth Fairy Truth!
Everyone knows about Santa Claus and how he lives at the North Pole with his elves and Mrs. Claus to make toys for all the little girls and boys. And of course how can we forget the Easter Bunny, living in the forest with his bunny friends, coloring eggs and weaving baskets.
But what does any of us really know about this Tooth Fairy? The Tooth Fairy is said to be a common childhood myth which is usually defined like this: When a tooth falls out leave it under you pillow before you fall sleep, sometime during the night the Tooth Fairy will visit you room to take the tooth and leave a small amount of hard cash.
Going on this speculative evidence, this appears to be a good hypothesis. As a child, when my teeth fell out I would tell my parents and they would remind me to put my tooth under my pillow. In the morning the Tooth Fairy had indeed been there and I was one dollar better off. So, what can we assume about the Tooth Fairy from her known characteristics?
She is not affiliated with any known religion in the way that Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny have volunteered to associate themselves with Christianity. Therefore, we can assume no restriction applies to visiting only Christian children giving her greater range than good ol Santa. She does not need to visit all children in one morning or night as Santa and the Easter Bunny contract states. She may eventually visit all children, but it takes place at irregular, infrequent intervals. It is possible to predict the number of visits by the average number of teeth per child.
The amount of money left per tooth varies according to the child’s age. This is reasonable, as younger children are less interested in money than older children. The amount left per tooth also varies according to the level of income of the parents. This suggests that she either unfairly favors wealthy families or she does not wish to encourage poverty stricken parents to use their children’s teeth as an alternate tax-free source of income.
So, who is this Tooth Fairy? Where did she come from? Is there just one? After contemplated these thoughts I needed answers!
There are indeed over 10,000 registered Tooth Fairies in the world. Some are thought to be operating without any kind of certificate. But the original Tooth Fairy was not always a Fairy. In face, she spent the first 300 years of her career not giving gifts to kids at all. She made a career out of breaking into people’s homes and stealing teeth they already had in their mouth and making jewelry from them that she sold at local art fairs. She named her booth Teethy Attire and introduced herself to buyers as Wendy.
But one night, this Wendy had a dream in which she saw that people—kids especially had a “thing” about losing body parts and the guilt set in. This entire time she has been stealing teeth when all along she could have collected the unwanted baby teeth for free. At that very moment she changed her ways and swore to never steal a tooth again. For the remaining 700 years of her life she spent every night out collecting the lost teeth of all the children of the area she lived in and placing dimes under their pillows.
It was a rough business! She had to fight off competitors, dogs and Dads with baseball bats. Sometimes kids would try to trick her by clenching the tooth firmly in their fists – prying the fingers apart to get the tooth was always a challenge until the Tooth Fairy invented the knuckle breaker.
Twenty seven hundred years ago the original Tooth Fairy, Wendy went to live with the angels in Canada. But not before she created a handbook, a continuing education program and guidelines of professional ethics for all the tooth fairies to come.
Few people realize that in the United States of America, tooth fairies are appointed by state legislatures – one per congressional district. Trying to keep the secret safe, legislatures are always on the look out for sinister people that are eager to use their creativity to break into the fairy network registration volt.
Tooth Fairies are required to attend over 200 hours of basic training at the ITFA (International Tooth Fairy Academy). These enthusiastic fairies are put through vigorous drills that will prepare them to complete each mission in today’s modern world. The first skill set that is taught at ITFA is the finding the best entryway into today’s homes, which is typically the key hole. Each graduate is given magical dust that they sprinkle on themselves to enter and exit the homes. This dust reduces their size as needed and only last two seconds giving them just enough time to proceed on with their mission. Making their way to the child’s room, sneaking in, making the dime droop and getting the heck out of there without waking up Mom is the heart and soul of the Tooth Fairy operation.
Of course you are probably wondering what happens to these teeth? During my interview with Michigan State Representative Coleman Young he informed me that each tooth is labeled, bar-cored and then shipped to the tooth fairy laboratory in NYC. There are teams of skilled scientist that examine each tooth, calibrate its size, condition and analyze if the owner has been flossing. Brushing your teeth and flossing is one topic the Tooth Fairies do not joke around about. This is an important part of their mission. If you haven’t been flossing and brushing regularly the children get a computer printout mailed to their parents and could be put on tooth probation. Mr. Young also informed me that once the teeth are photographed and recorded they are displayed at the Museum of Teeth in Ann Arbor MI. There, visitors can stroll through the exhibits of teeth through the ages, noting the largest tooth, the sharpest, the yellowiest, the strange and the unusual.
That is the truth of the Tooth Fairy, who she was, how she came to be and how she created an institution which operates now in over 128 countries and appears under the Quotron symbol TFRY on the New York Stock Exchange. It is the truth of one individual with a bit of grit, elbow grease and a sock full of dimes that stood up to change her ways and make a difference. So the next time you are faced with the same Tooth Fairy question as I have been from a child, be sure to set to the story straight. Its not Mom and Dad! And if told any otherwise you may both be getting a little visit from the legal counsel ~ infringement of trademark and libel are serious charges.
My Tooth Fairy Truth!
Everyone knows about Santa Claus and how he lives at the North Pole with his elves and Mrs. Claus to make toys for all the little girls and boys. And of course how can we forget the Easter Bunny, living in the forest with his bunny friends, coloring eggs and weaving baskets.
But what does any of us really know about this Tooth Fairy? The Tooth Fairy is said to be a common childhood myth which is usually defined like this: When a tooth falls out leave it under you pillow before you fall sleep, sometime during the night the Tooth Fairy will visit you room to take the tooth and leave a small amount of hard cash.
Going on this speculative evidence, this appears to be a good hypothesis. As a child, when my teeth fell out I would tell my parents and they would remind me to put my tooth under my pillow. In the morning the Tooth Fairy had indeed been there and I was one dollar better off. So, what can we assume about the Tooth Fairy from her known characteristics?
She is not affiliated with any known religion in the way that Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny have volunteered to associate themselves with Christianity. Therefore, we can assume no restriction applies to visiting only Christian children giving her greater range than good ol Santa. She does not need to visit all children in one morning or night as Santa and the Easter Bunny contract states. She may eventually visit all children, but it takes place at irregular, infrequent intervals. It is possible to predict the number of visits by the average number of teeth per child.
The amount of money left per tooth varies according to the child’s age. This is reasonable, as younger children are less interested in money than older children. The amount left per tooth also varies according to the level of income of the parents. This suggests that she either unfairly favors wealthy families or she does not wish to encourage poverty stricken parents to use their children’s teeth as an alternate tax-free source of income.
So, who is this Tooth Fairy? Where did she come from? Is there just one? After contemplated these thoughts I needed answers!
There are indeed over 10,000 registered Tooth Fairies in the world. Some are thought to be operating without any kind of certificate. But the original Tooth Fairy was not always a Fairy. In face, she spent the first 300 years of her career not giving gifts to kids at all. She made a career out of breaking into people’s homes and stealing teeth they already had in their mouth and making jewelry from them that she sold at local art fairs. She named her booth Teethy Attire and introduced herself to buyers as Wendy.
But one night, this Wendy had a dream in which she saw that people—kids especially had a “thing” about losing body parts and the guilt set in. This entire time she has been stealing teeth when all along she could have collected the unwanted baby teeth for free. At that very moment she changed her ways and swore to never steal a tooth again. For the remaining 700 years of her life she spent every night out collecting the lost teeth of all the children of the area she lived in and placing dimes under their pillows.
It was a rough business! She had to fight off competitors, dogs and Dads with baseball bats. Sometimes kids would try to trick her by clenching the tooth firmly in their fists – prying the fingers apart to get the tooth was always a challenge until the Tooth Fairy invented the knuckle breaker.
Twenty seven hundred years ago the original Tooth Fairy, Wendy went to live with the angels in Canada. But not before she created a handbook, a continuing education program and guidelines of professional ethics for all the tooth fairies to come.
Few people realize that in the United States of America, tooth fairies are appointed by state legislatures – one per congressional district. Trying to keep the secret safe, legislatures are always on the look out for sinister people that are eager to use their creativity to break into the fairy network registration volt.
Tooth Fairies are required to attend over 200 hours of basic training at the ITFA (International Tooth Fairy Academy). These enthusiastic fairies are put through vigorous drills that will prepare them to complete each mission in today’s modern world. The first skill set that is taught at ITFA is the finding the best entryway into today’s homes, which is typically the key hole. Each graduate is given magical dust that they sprinkle on themselves to enter and exit the homes. This dust reduces their size as needed and only last two seconds giving them just enough time to proceed on with their mission. Making their way to the child’s room, sneaking in, making the dime droop and getting the heck out of there without waking up Mom is the heart and soul of the Tooth Fairy operation.
Of course you are probably wondering what happens to these teeth? During my interview with Michigan State Representative Coleman Young he informed me that each tooth is labeled, bar-cored and then shipped to the tooth fairy laboratory in NYC. There are teams of skilled scientist that examine each tooth, calibrate its size, condition and analyze if the owner has been flossing. Brushing your teeth and flossing is one topic the Tooth Fairies do not joke around about. This is an important part of their mission. If you haven’t been flossing and brushing regularly the children get a computer printout mailed to their parents and could be put on tooth probation. Mr. Young also informed me that once the teeth are photographed and recorded they are displayed at the Museum of Teeth in Ann Arbor MI. There, visitors can stroll through the exhibits of teeth through the ages, noting the largest tooth, the sharpest, the yellowiest, the strange and the unusual.
That is the truth of the Tooth Fairy, who she was, how she came to be and how she created an institution which operates now in over 128 countries and appears under the Quotron symbol TFRY on the New York Stock Exchange. It is the truth of one individual with a bit of grit, elbow grease and a sock full of dimes that stood up to change her ways and make a difference. So the next time you are faced with the same Tooth Fairy question as I have been from a child, be sure to set to the story straight. Its not Mom and Dad! And if told any otherwise you may both be getting a little visit from the legal counsel ~ infringement of trademark and libel are serious charges.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Just another Day :)
Well my Family and Friend's I have some BIG decisions to make. I talked with Penn State today about their MBA program and their Corporate Communications Certificate (which I was planning on doing both). To start off with, the certificate will place me in no graduate class~ so no financial aid will apply (damn it) which means none of the grants will cover anything. Now that I think about it, she was very discouraging! She also informed me that the Penn State MBA program is very difficult to get into (whatever I can do anything I put my mind to). But what I have to decided on is:
Do I go for the Certificate that will hopefully help with my career right now and hopefully get employer assistance for my MBA
Or…do I just skip the certificate and go right for the MBA?
Decisions Decisions Decisions!!!!
Yesterday here in Michigan we had nice weather up to 60 degree’s so I took advantage of that and ran outside instead of going to the gym. (What did you do?) Which is not the case today its back to gloomy Michigan and its back to working out inside at the gym for me. My other breaking news for today is that I have a date tonight. I know…ugh. Dating is just not my thing. I would rather prince charming just show up at my door! : ) And…he is a Weatherman on TV. LOL Oh gosh!
Do I go for the Certificate that will hopefully help with my career right now and hopefully get employer assistance for my MBA
Or…do I just skip the certificate and go right for the MBA?
Decisions Decisions Decisions!!!!
Yesterday here in Michigan we had nice weather up to 60 degree’s so I took advantage of that and ran outside instead of going to the gym. (What did you do?) Which is not the case today its back to gloomy Michigan and its back to working out inside at the gym for me. My other breaking news for today is that I have a date tonight. I know…ugh. Dating is just not my thing. I would rather prince charming just show up at my door! : ) And…he is a Weatherman on TV. LOL Oh gosh!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
The Journey of a Boat
Taking that deep breath and knowing its time to let go of something is a life lesson we all face. It starts with letting go of your comfort blanket as a child or the teddy bear that can not be washed anymore. For me, it was letting go of the family boat. First owned by Grandfather, passed on to my Father and then at the age of 23 I became the proud owner of the family 25 foot T-craft. Being crowned as the captain mid-summer was bittersweet for me. I was being passed the keys because my father was dying from ALS and could no longer maintain the boat. At the age of 55 my father had to say goodbye to his life.
As I sat there that first day of spring, gazing at a boat that held so many memories of my life with my Dad I could not bear to even take the shrink wrap off. Everyday I would drive down to the boatyard with intentions of pulling off all the plastic and get started on cleaning but I always left in tears. I did not want to face looking at captain's chair without him sitting in it. After the second week of nice weather I knew I had to get the ball going with the boat. So I took that deep breath and carried on the tradition: tore every piece of shrink wrap off the boat, repainted every inch of the bottom and cleaned the inside leaving the captains chair untouched (I wanted it to still have that old spice smell) As the boat sat there in the marina slip just waiting for the sun to shine upon it, everything seemed to be in place on the outside but I was missing him dearly inside. The plan was to take my Father’s ashes out to sea that first trip of the year. And so the following weekend my Mom and I packed a bag to spend the day out on the boat. The drive down to the marina was quite yet peaceful. We had a mission, finally something to focus on other than the silence of my Dad being gone. All aboard we were ready to set sail! I took my position at the captains chair took that same deep breath and turned the key.
And to my surprise, the damn boat would not start! With an eye roll I jumped off the chair and started checking everything. I crossed checked everything making sure there was nothing I missed. I was pissed! So, I turned to the two gentlemen that were in the boat slip next to us to ask if they could take a look as well. (I hate asking guys for help…I can do it myself thank you very much). Of course, they could not see the problem either. Are you kidding me! Are you kidding me! As I sat there in the captain’s chair, starring at that wheel, tears building up with frustration I turned to my Mother. On the verge of a laugh and a cry…the two of us chose to laugh. Of course this would happen! There was NO way my Dad was going to just let us take him out there and go! He was not letting go of the boat yet and not letting go of us either! So that day and many more were spent only in the boat slip till the last day of summer.
I was always down at the boat; I would just sit there and read books or listen to the seagulls call. My last day hanging out there before pulling the boat out of the water to prepare for our Michigan winter I don’t know why but I thought I would try to start it one last time. Once again I sat myself down on my father’s captain chair; took a deep breath, I closed my eyes and turned the key. Only this time I was surrounded by the sound of the engine purring. This was my final goodbye to the water with my Dad. As I pulled out of the marina approaching the mouth of Lake Erie, I might have looked alone to passerbyers but I was far from that. I was taking one last journey on the water with my Dad.
My love for boating goes much deeper for me than any life could ever hold! I learned the love of the water through my father’s actions and I also hold the same passion of the freedom the water holds. His life reflects in me and carry him with me where ever I go.
As I sat there that first day of spring, gazing at a boat that held so many memories of my life with my Dad I could not bear to even take the shrink wrap off. Everyday I would drive down to the boatyard with intentions of pulling off all the plastic and get started on cleaning but I always left in tears. I did not want to face looking at captain's chair without him sitting in it. After the second week of nice weather I knew I had to get the ball going with the boat. So I took that deep breath and carried on the tradition: tore every piece of shrink wrap off the boat, repainted every inch of the bottom and cleaned the inside leaving the captains chair untouched (I wanted it to still have that old spice smell) As the boat sat there in the marina slip just waiting for the sun to shine upon it, everything seemed to be in place on the outside but I was missing him dearly inside. The plan was to take my Father’s ashes out to sea that first trip of the year. And so the following weekend my Mom and I packed a bag to spend the day out on the boat. The drive down to the marina was quite yet peaceful. We had a mission, finally something to focus on other than the silence of my Dad being gone. All aboard we were ready to set sail! I took my position at the captains chair took that same deep breath and turned the key.
And to my surprise, the damn boat would not start! With an eye roll I jumped off the chair and started checking everything. I crossed checked everything making sure there was nothing I missed. I was pissed! So, I turned to the two gentlemen that were in the boat slip next to us to ask if they could take a look as well. (I hate asking guys for help…I can do it myself thank you very much). Of course, they could not see the problem either. Are you kidding me! Are you kidding me! As I sat there in the captain’s chair, starring at that wheel, tears building up with frustration I turned to my Mother. On the verge of a laugh and a cry…the two of us chose to laugh. Of course this would happen! There was NO way my Dad was going to just let us take him out there and go! He was not letting go of the boat yet and not letting go of us either! So that day and many more were spent only in the boat slip till the last day of summer.
I was always down at the boat; I would just sit there and read books or listen to the seagulls call. My last day hanging out there before pulling the boat out of the water to prepare for our Michigan winter I don’t know why but I thought I would try to start it one last time. Once again I sat myself down on my father’s captain chair; took a deep breath, I closed my eyes and turned the key. Only this time I was surrounded by the sound of the engine purring. This was my final goodbye to the water with my Dad. As I pulled out of the marina approaching the mouth of Lake Erie, I might have looked alone to passerbyers but I was far from that. I was taking one last journey on the water with my Dad.
My love for boating goes much deeper for me than any life could ever hold! I learned the love of the water through my father’s actions and I also hold the same passion of the freedom the water holds. His life reflects in me and carry him with me where ever I go.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Lost Faith
My faith in people is becoming lost by the hundreds, thousands maybe millions of people in the world that will amount to nothing. That their demented thoughts and actions lead their life right to the innocent. People amaze me on a daily basis. Good should always out weight the bad but in today’s society how is that possible?
Nothing makes me more sick than turning on the 6 o'clock news. Their breaking stories. Their desire to be the first to report the tragedy with every gory detail. To paint a picture of innocent victims which I have now been placed in that storyline. Plagued by the freedom of the Internet and hurt by gaining no justice over this sick individual. Which will hurt the most, no justice! My heart filled thoughts i have shared will fall into a labyrinth of printed words and be lost. Leaving me without the love of someone that I was given hope for. So I ask this! Please start highlighting good things that have happened rather than the opposite. When a huge story breaks, do people who work for a local news station get a sick satisfaction from someone Else's misfortune? Show us the good that is out there. Hearing of all the wrong in the world, all the time...its depressing? Why do these negative people seek me out? I am happy, I love my life, I have found ways to enjoy the beauty in others and laugh at every moment possible! We do not need the comfort to know that as bad as we may have it, someone else always has it worse than us. I don't know about you, but it doesn't make me all that comfortable and it does not me feel any better if something goes wrong in my life. It is adding to the down fall in my faith in good people and view the good as a dying breed.
I have been raised to be a loving, caring, trustworthy person and I am finding out the hard way to trust NO ONE. I find myself walking away from people heart broken for taking that leap of faith within them. I continue to tell myself to find the good in people...but that is becoming a hard task in my life that I am no longer willing to battle with. Giving my heart away is no longer an option for me. For now on, I am sticking to falling in love with only fictional charactors! Edward Cullen call me :)
What are we really politically fighting for? Buying boats and filling quotas are more important than cold people having coats and shelters or thirsty people with water to drink. Its so sad people are sick and cant even be seen by a doctor because our health care is not free. Free is definitely not the root word of freedom. Freedom can be the root to all evil if placed in the wrong hands. I vote for none of the above.
Rich people are considered hero's , sadly enough its the amount of zeros in their bank accounts that count. We pay entertainers 100 times the amount we pay the real hero's of society: police officers, doctors, judges, firemen, and other jobs protecting or educating our children. There are young children who cant even read but there are tall men who through rubber balls in net hoops that have plasma tv's in their 5th bathroom to watch themselves on. Do not get me wrong I am a sports fanatic but watching cribs on MTV surprises me. There are people starving yet we have people not appreciative of the opportunity to eat whatever and whenever they want and then throw half of it away. We have the option to order "a four-pattie heart attack on a bun" when some people would attack and kill for just the greedy people's deletions.
Nothing makes me more sick than turning on the 6 o'clock news. Their breaking stories. Their desire to be the first to report the tragedy with every gory detail. To paint a picture of innocent victims which I have now been placed in that storyline. Plagued by the freedom of the Internet and hurt by gaining no justice over this sick individual. Which will hurt the most, no justice! My heart filled thoughts i have shared will fall into a labyrinth of printed words and be lost. Leaving me without the love of someone that I was given hope for. So I ask this! Please start highlighting good things that have happened rather than the opposite. When a huge story breaks, do people who work for a local news station get a sick satisfaction from someone Else's misfortune? Show us the good that is out there. Hearing of all the wrong in the world, all the time...its depressing? Why do these negative people seek me out? I am happy, I love my life, I have found ways to enjoy the beauty in others and laugh at every moment possible! We do not need the comfort to know that as bad as we may have it, someone else always has it worse than us. I don't know about you, but it doesn't make me all that comfortable and it does not me feel any better if something goes wrong in my life. It is adding to the down fall in my faith in good people and view the good as a dying breed.
I have been raised to be a loving, caring, trustworthy person and I am finding out the hard way to trust NO ONE. I find myself walking away from people heart broken for taking that leap of faith within them. I continue to tell myself to find the good in people...but that is becoming a hard task in my life that I am no longer willing to battle with. Giving my heart away is no longer an option for me. For now on, I am sticking to falling in love with only fictional charactors! Edward Cullen call me :)
What are we really politically fighting for? Buying boats and filling quotas are more important than cold people having coats and shelters or thirsty people with water to drink. Its so sad people are sick and cant even be seen by a doctor because our health care is not free. Free is definitely not the root word of freedom. Freedom can be the root to all evil if placed in the wrong hands. I vote for none of the above.
Rich people are considered hero's , sadly enough its the amount of zeros in their bank accounts that count. We pay entertainers 100 times the amount we pay the real hero's of society: police officers, doctors, judges, firemen, and other jobs protecting or educating our children. There are young children who cant even read but there are tall men who through rubber balls in net hoops that have plasma tv's in their 5th bathroom to watch themselves on. Do not get me wrong I am a sports fanatic but watching cribs on MTV surprises me. There are people starving yet we have people not appreciative of the opportunity to eat whatever and whenever they want and then throw half of it away. We have the option to order "a four-pattie heart attack on a bun" when some people would attack and kill for just the greedy people's deletions.
A flower without it's Sun ~ Poem
No sooner will that day come, as it does every year when I lost a part of my heart.
My memories fade to dreams and those dreams are all I have to remember him by.
I look to the light as if he is there, helping me choose the right path.
Only to guide me to not fall down flat.
Searching in my thoughts for just a second of his voice and an ounce of his breath.
Giving me hope and happiness that I am not destine to be alone and stay down the wrong path. I look deep inside to feel for him. To feel his touch. To understand that he is there with my every step.
The piece that has broken from my heart is small enough that it could be passed through the eye of a needle yet so large it can be seen for miles. I miss him like the flower misses the sun, like the flower misses the sun in the depths of the winter with all of its warmth drained from her core. Fragile to touch…My world is frozen in his absence.
My Father where are You?
~In Loving Memory~ 12/11/2002 (Buck) Robert P. Tostige
My memories fade to dreams and those dreams are all I have to remember him by.
I look to the light as if he is there, helping me choose the right path.
Only to guide me to not fall down flat.
Searching in my thoughts for just a second of his voice and an ounce of his breath.
Giving me hope and happiness that I am not destine to be alone and stay down the wrong path. I look deep inside to feel for him. To feel his touch. To understand that he is there with my every step.
The piece that has broken from my heart is small enough that it could be passed through the eye of a needle yet so large it can be seen for miles. I miss him like the flower misses the sun, like the flower misses the sun in the depths of the winter with all of its warmth drained from her core. Fragile to touch…My world is frozen in his absence.
My Father where are You?
~In Loving Memory~ 12/11/2002 (Buck) Robert P. Tostige
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